If I could change the world

If I could change the diabetes world I would start with myself.

I would change how I talk to myself.

I would stop telling myself that it's my fault and I should have done better.  While it's true that there are times it truly is my fault (that darn package of Oreos really wouldn't have gone stale) it is NOT my fault that my pancreas retired early. 

I would stop telling myself that I am high maintenance and not worth it.  The expense is so high and that money could be used for so many other things.  It's true, I could think of a hundred other things I could spend that money on, but none of it would make a difference if I wasn't here.

I would start telling myself that it's OK to have days where diabetes is put on the back burner, just as long as I don't turn the burner completely off.

I would start telling myself to stand up for myself more.  To speak up when I am confronted with a diabetes myth and correct it to the best of my ability. 

There are so many different things we do each day that can change the world in which we live in.  Even if it is only the world within our own walls that gets changed.

At church this Sabbath our speaker talked about being either a Thermostat Person or a Thermometer Person.  A thermometer person reflects the temperature of the room or situation, but a thermostat person can change it.

I'm working on being more of a thermostat.  Will you join me?

Life ran away with me

It seems like ever since the beginning of the year I have been running here and there with some sort deadline looming, project due, activity scheduled, company visiting, doctor's appointment, physical therapy, or an unexpected emotional event.  I feel I have been pulled every which way then left to rebound by myself.  I have under-slept, over-worked, under-fed, and over-fed myself. 

I am tired.

Here are the broad strokes:

• January:  Recovering from the holidays is always tiring.  I also gave a talk at church that first week and had two weekends of company.  Not that big of a deal really, but I'm not a huge fan of public speaking.
• February: The last day of February, as my daughter was packing up to head back to school after spring break, we discovered that our oldest cat, Flurrie, had not improved from the previous day.  The vet determined that there was nothing that could be done.  So with all of us there we made the toughest decision a pet owner has to make and had her put to sleep.  She was nearly 17 1/2 years old (86 in cat years).
• March:  Another talk at church.  Lots of energy spent getting my CGM transmitter replaced. (see here and here ). 
• April:  This month started out very relaxing.  A great trip to Flagstaff to meet up with some ladies I've "met" on Twitter.  Laddie of Test Guess and Go blogged about it here.  It was just what I needed to prepare for the following two weekends.  One was the JDRF walk for our area and the other was my church's annual Easter Outreach.  I sat on the organizing committee for the walk and was the primary contact for the Easter Outreach.

Here's to a month (or more) of no deadlines, projects, talks, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for no more unexpected emotionally sad events.