Change would be good

This month's DSMA Blog Carnival asks, "If you could change one thing about diabetes, (besides not having it), what would you change? Why?"

I have thought about this for quite some time.  There are many things that I would LOVE to change about diabetes.  

Finger sticks - I know that it is the easiest location to get blood for a bg check, but my fingers get sore sometimes.  I have calluses so thick that I've used them as a thimble.  

List of conditions that I'm now at risk for -  Going to a new doctor is never fun.  Filling out the medical history paperwork and seeing "Diabetes" printed in red is not a comforting sight.

Multiple doctor's appointments - I'm thankful for having a job that gives me quite a bit of "sick time" so I don't lose any pay for all my appointments, but I would love to take time off for something a bit more enjoyable.

Cost of medications - I feel very blessed to have the insurance coverage that I do, and that I don't have to argue with them (too much) to have everything covered (read: test strips), but I still have deductibles and co-pays that have to be paid.  

Each one has it benefits and downfalls, but there is one that stands out above all others.  

If there was only one thing I could change about diabetes would be the emotional aspect. 

There are days when the blood sugar roller coaster is too much and I don't want to do it anymore.  There are other days when blood sugars are level all day, but at a low level, or high level, and no matter what you do it won't come up or down.

There are days when you begin to question yourself and your ability to manage this disease.  The feeling of failure can be very overwhelming.

However, it's the emotions that sneak up on me during a high or a low that are the most frustrating, and heart breaking.  I know I am very grumpy and short fused when I am running high.  Sometimes I don't know that I'm running high, but when it seems like everything is getting on my nerves and no one can do anything right, I try to remember that it is not them, but quite possibly me.  If I have been running high all day, when I get home I walk in saying, "I've been high, and I can't get it down, so I'm very grumpy.  Consider this your warning."  

I don't know about you, but I wish I didn't have to do that.  I try my darndest to keep my emotions, and my mood swings, in check but sometimes I'm caught off guard.  It's not my family's fault but they are the ones that pay the price, and it is not fair.

So if there was one thing I could change about diabetes (other than not having it) would be that my emotions would not be so effected by my blood sugar levels.  There are enough things in the world that effect my emotions... I just wish diabetes wasn't one of them.