Endo Day and Really Trying

Today was the day.  My quarterly visit with my endo.

I was looking forward to it less than usual.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my endo.  Ever since I started seeing her instead of previous doctors, I feel the management of my diabetes is doing much better, but I wasn't looking forward to it today.

I was less than enthusiastic because I knew my A1C would be higher. 

I know the A1C is just a number, and that it doesn't always reflect the entire story behind the last three months.  That simple number didn't reflect:

• My daughter's surgery and subsequent healing.  (Mom's worry it is that simple.)
• The pain I'd been dealing with in my heel.
• The ridiculousness that is called "cortisone".
• The surgery and healing of previously mentioned heel.
• The lack of my (usually) daily walks.
• The mental lashing I've given myself lately.

As I guessed, it was higher.  Higher by .5.  Not as much as I was expecting, but still I wasn't pleased.  For me, getting my A1C to where I like to see it is harder and harder to do the closer I get to that goal.  Does that make sense? 

Days like today, knowing that I had gone in the opposite direction I wanted to, make me even more thankful for my endo.  She never expresses any type of judgment.  She encourages involvement with treatment decisions.  And, whether she realizes it or not, she is a huge boost to my emotional state when it comes to dealing with my diabetes.

With everything that has been going on lately, and the fact that my bgs are running higher than I like them to, I was wondering if I had given up a little.  I thought to myself, "Am I doing enough, or am I just going through the motions?  What will my doctor say?  Will she mark me 'non-compliant'?"  I know I hadn't given up because otherwise I wouldn't have cared if I cared or not.  Today, one small sentence from my endo, eased my mind completely.  "When I see someone who is checking their blood sugars an average of 7 times a day, I know they're really trying."

Really trying. 

I am really trying.  I am really trying to keep my blood sugars in range.  I'm really trying to have more steady lines on my CGM and less roller coaster blue prints.  I'm really trying to lose that weight that has snuck on over the last few months.  I'm really trying to do better with portion control and not do so much 'emotional eating'.  I'm really trying to not let my blood sugars dictate my mood.  I am really trying to keep it together on days when it feels like the slightest tremor will make it all fall apart. 

I AM REALLY TRYING.  Thank you Dr. Endo for recognizing that.  It means more than you know.

Observing at it's most unique

In my last post I talked about issues I was having with my heel.  The original plan was to give it a month and see how it did.  If the pain increased before the month was up, I was to go back in.

That weekend we moved our daughter back to college for her sophomore year.  Thankfully, her apartment is on the ground floor, so there were no stairs to climb.  This benefitted not only me, but her as well.  She had foot/leg surgery over the summer and is still healing.  If either of us would have had to climb stairs it would have been a painful and comedic event.

By Monday morning I had given up on counting how many sharp stabbing pains I had had.  By noon on Sunday alone, there had been more than 10.  Monday afternoon I called my foot doctor. 

Wednesday morning was my appointment.  It was agreed that we needed to surgically fix my foot.  The problem was getting worse and we didn't want the nerve to sustain permanent damage, if it hadn't already.  Surgery was set for the following Thursday, the 28th.  I could survive one more week, right?  I was keeping my fingers crossed.

I've always said that if there was a positive to having diabetes it is that any surgeries are usually scheduled for the first of the day.  This one was at 11:30am.  I know that isn't first on the list, but the fact that it was going to be done with just a local anesthetic, I didn't need to alter my eating and starve after midnight.  I also was allowed to watch and take pictures.  (Don't worry.  I won't post any during surgery pictures.)

I know that not too many people would want to watch a surgery, let alone one being done on them, but I was looking forward to it.  I grew up hearing surgery stories told at the dinner table, so this was not going to be a problem for me at all.  The one fear I had was that he would get in there, and realize more needed to be done that couldn't be done with just a local.  Thankfully, the surgery was complication free.  In fact, my doctor even said he saw exactly what he expected to see.  That was very comforting to me.  I wasn't glad that I had to have the surgery, but I was really glad that there weren't any other problems.

I enjoyed watching and talking with my doctor during my foot surgery.  I did not get too many pictures, as the surgery was only about 15 minutes long, from start to finish.  The hardest part I had about watching, was keeping my leg relaxed.  My heel was numb, so that wasn't a problem, but I was afraid that I would tense my leg so much by trying to hold it still that it would twitch.  No such problem though.  No twitch, no error, and again no complication.

It has now been a week and a half since my nerve was given more room.  The sharp stabbing pains vanished that day, so did the bruised heel feeling.  I have been able to walk since that afternoon, but not well enough to go on my daily walks in the morning.  I am looking very much forward to Dr. Foot giving me the green light for those walks, and a normal shoe.  Post surgical shoes are just not that cute.